im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I love having hate sex.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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