I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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