You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
