Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
