i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
