Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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