It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
worst night to have a conscience
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
