Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
