she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
