The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
