Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I deserve to be covered in dicks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
