Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
