I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
