Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
