loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
