I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
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What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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