i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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