Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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