after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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