Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Everyone says I win the strip club
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
