i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
