Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
