there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
