First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize