I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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