Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
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Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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