im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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