Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
