If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
