So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
