I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize