I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
