She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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