Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she told me i tasted like america
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
