Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
