I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
