why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
