also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
