Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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