Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
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I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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