Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.