I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.