Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win