Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."