How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits