What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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