I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
