Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
