Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
