I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
