she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
