It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
