I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize