No more Irish car bombs ever.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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