I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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