Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
