I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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