pedialite and red bull = repair kit
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
