she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
