Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
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I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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