dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
