he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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