Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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